Are you a strong, independent, successful woman? Have you ever thought you might be too independent and successful to attract a man? Do men even like strong, independent, successful women?

This is a really frustrating question for women. After all, why would a strong, smart, successful man want a woman who wasn’t equally smart and successful?

Wouldn’t he soon get bored and restless?

Wouldn’t he feel limited by a less gifted woman’s inability to keep up with him?

Why can’t men see what’s under their noses?

No wonder women often wonder: do men like strong, independent, successful women at all?

Pause For Thought: Do YOU Like Nice Guys?

Let’s turn this question on its head. Do you have any male friends who are indisputably nice guys? And are you dating one of them?

If you’ve answered “yes” to both questions, then your life is probably set fair for the future. But you’d certainly be unusual.

Lots of genuinely nice guys are just as frustrated as you are, and just as puzzled about why the women they know, who constantly tell them how nice they are, don’t want to date them.

And why don’t you want to date them?

Isn’t it because, although they are intelligent, kind and lovely company, there’s no sexual chemistry between you?

The thought of meeting up with them doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach. You never look at them and wonder what it would be like to kiss and get close and physical with them; to spend a whole night having wild and wonderful sex with them.

Somehow they just don’t stimulate those kinds of thoughts in your primal brain.

And why is that?

The Secret of Attraction

It’s because their masculine energy is weak, or even non-existent.

Being in their presence doesn’t make you conscious of being with a man, a male, a member of the opposite sex. They don’t make you think about sex, or lust, or desire. They just make you feel good, and comfortable, and relaxed.

Of course, that’s great, and you love them for it. But it doesn’t make you fantasize about them.

The truth is that all the qualities that make up your personality and character have both upsides and downsides.

And I don’t mean that some qualities people have are great, and some are awful. I mean that there are good and bad aspects to the same qualities. Let’s expand on this a bit.

Being kind, for instance, is a lovely and endearing quality; but sometimes kind people allow others to impose on them too much. As a result they can feel drained, put upon, undervalued and taken for granted.

Being charming is another quality that draws people, but charming people can also be manipulative.

Being clever and able can turn into arrogance.

Being charismatic can turn into hubris (very common among politicians).

What I am saying is that there is a paradox here. Your good qualities, the ones that should be attracting men to you in droves, can also be the ones that are driving them away. Just as with nice guys, your strength and success may be winning men’s admiration as completely as it is failing to attract them.

Do men like strong, independent, successful women? It often seems as if the answer is “No”.

Really Strong, Independent, Successful Women Don’t Compete; They Attract

The truth is that men do like smart, sassy, feisty women. But when you project these qualities as a challenge to men, they will respond in kind. They will feel themselves to be in competition with you. And they will want to win.

In other words, they will respond to you in the same way they would to another man.

Just as you tend to treat those lovely guy friends of yours as if they were your girlfriends, so men will treat you as they would their mates. Result: they think you are capable, competent and challenging. But they are not attracted to you.

This is hard for a woman to accept. No-one wants to feel they are unattractive or undesirable – it’s painful, even soul-destroying. In fact, it’s so difficult to think about, that it’s tempting – because it’s easier – to blame men; to decide that it’s men who have the problem.

But if that’s true, then what can you do about it? It would leave you powerless…

And if it’s true, then why are plenty of other women attracting these men; even women who are as ondependent and successful as you? (And if you don’t believe that, then think of George Clooney, once the eternal bachelor. Isn’t his wife strong, independent and successful…?)

The answer lies in the energy you radiate.

The Difference Between Masculine and Feminine Energy

Just as you are sexually drawn by masculine energy, men are drawn by feminine energy. This doesn’t mean having to play dumb or submissive; no strong, intelligent man wants a woman like that.

But if you project masculine qualities when you are with him, he will respond in kind. Not to try to win would make him feel emasculated, weak and powerless.

And there’s no bigger turn off for any man than that.

Just as you want to feel beautiful, intelligent, attractive and desirable, so a man wants to feel strong, smart, important, sexy, funny, and heroic. You want a man to be taller, stronger, tougher, funnier and wealthier that you, but men are looking for something quite different.

They are not looking for a man with breasts. They want the things they don’t have themselves and can’t get from their friends; warmth, kindness, playfulness, softness, compassion, femininity.

Men want to feel needed, and to feel that they can contribute something to your life. They don’t want to feel criticized, pressured, micromanaged and undermined.

So demonstrating that you are fine, thank you very much, and there’s nothing you can’t do for yourself doesn’t leave much room for a man to feel heroic. It will simply make him feel that there’s no place for him in your life, and that he won’t be able to make you happy.

And if a man doesn’t think he can make a woman happy, he won’t want to be with her.

Show Your Feminine Side

So don’t lose touch with your feminine side, your feminine energy. As a working woman, you will often need to call on masculine traits to get on and succeed in your career. And that’s fine. But don’t carry that mindset into your downtime. Stay in touch with your true feminine self, so that you can BE yourself when you are not being challenged to be something else.

Show your feminine side, not just to men, but to everybody. Be warm, playful, original and open to love and life. Men will see your femininity, feel your feminine energy, and be drawn to you. They will see you as an attractive WOMAN. They will want to be with you.

Enjoy Being a Woman

The nicest and most natural thing you can do is to really ENJOY being a woman; a woman who is naturally attractive to men. And what greater confirmation could there be that being a woman is the best thing on earth? Isn’t that, as strong, independent, successful women, what we really believe?

So do men like strong, independent, successful women?

Certainly they admire their achievements, and love to be able to show the world that a dynamic and successful woman chose him, rather than any of the other men she could have chosen.

But he doesn’t want to feel that he’s living with his boss. And if you really think about it, no-one will love you for being domineering, bossy or intimidating. They just aren’t lovable qualities.

So all that dynamism and authority that makes you so successful at work should stay there, where it belongs. The rest of the time, you can enjoy being the strong, intelligent but feminine woman you really are.

Especially when you are with him; and he will love you for it. In fact, he will be unable to resist you. Go here to find out how to make it happen.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Emma

    I’m not that successful myself, but that doesn’t seem to have made me any more attractive to men. Is there some kind of reverse syndrome attached to this?

    1. Sarah

      No, not at all. Being successful can make it harder for some women to attract men, but the real trick is to know what qualities men really find attractive. Have a look at this article for some insights.

  2. Charlotte

    I really like strong and successful men. I find it hard to feel attracted to men who are not doing well in life. Does that make me mercenary? And if men AREN’T attracted to successful women, does that make them wimps?

    1. Sarah

      Does it make you mercenary? Well it’s depends on exactly WHAT it is about those strong and successful men that REALLY attracts you? It is the fact that their success makes them well-off, if not rich, and so able to provide you with the material things you covet? If so the yes, you’re mercenary. Is it because their strength and success are outward expressions of the intrinsic qualities you look for in a man; which makes him attractive to you? Then no, you’re not.

      It is natural in a woman, especially one who wants children, to be attracted to man who can provide and protect. That is basic biology. And it’s also the reason why being a successful woman isn’t intrinsically attractive to man. A man can be proud of his wife’s achievements, but it’s unlikely that they’re what made him fall in love with her. And some men do find successful women threatening, especially if they doubt their own success. But mostly it’s down to personal taste. Most people have particular traits they find attractive in a potential mate; and for some men, the qualities that make you successful are simply not attractive. But then, these men wouldn’t really be your type anyway, would they?

    2. Brett

      What’s “doing well in life” mean to you?

      1. Sarah

        Having a purpose and pursuing it rather than just drifting.

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