There’s a simple secret that will solve the conundrum of how to attract men for you forever.

So what is it? What vital skill will charm a man and make him want to be with you?

Lots of women immediately think of a bar or club, a short skirt and a bit of cleavage; sleek hair, perfect make-up and a sexy smile.

But to create the kind of relationship you want, one that is both loving and lasting, you shouldn’t be overemphasising your sexiness at the expense of your other charms.

Of course men are attracted by your appearance. It’s a great way to get his attention, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to see you as “girlfriend material.

The most important thing in that list above is actually – your SMILE!

Your smile is the first thing a man notices about you. It’s what draws him towards you and makes him see you not just as cute and sexy, but also as warm, relaxed and approachable. It’s this combination that doesn’t just attract men, but makes them want to get to know you, and spend time with you too.

The Difference Between Love and Attraction

Physical attraction is easy and straightforward. But it’s also one-dimensional, because the man may only see your sexual desirability; and so it doesn’t last.

There needs to be something more.

To attract men for the long-term you need to show them the traits they find attractive. This may seem like the most obvious statement in the world; but it’s amazing how many modern women do the exact opposite.

Challenged or Protective?

Are you the kind of woman who naturally draws men towards her?

Or do you think that men can’t cope with today’s strong, smart and successful women?

What will attract men is the energy you radiate. This is what makes him either feel challenged (and therefore competitive), or protective (and therefore needed and drawn to you).

And your energy, your feminine energy, is projected by your smile.

This has nothing to do with being a doormat. It’s fine to be confident, and to challenge men in a playful, flirty way. But when you adopt an “I don’t need a man in my life, I can look after myself” attitude, men are put off by the defensiveness (and even hostility) it implies.

Think of the men who have that “women are only good for one thing” attitude, and how that makes you feel. Well, this is similar. It’s a question of actually liking men, and valuing what they can bring to your life.

Being able to attract men depends on your attitude.

You have the power to make men want you, to see you as someone they can’t resist.

Projecting the Right Attitude

And no, that doesn’t mean Attitude, the kind that makes you look arrogant or entitled. It means having the confidence to make you into a prize – a woman a man wants to win. A woman who radiates feminine energy. A woman who uses that energy to make life seem more exciting, more colorful and more fun.

A woman who lives in the present and makes it fun to be around her. A woman who doesn’t chatter mindlessly but who thinks before she speaks. One who uses fewer words to make a bigger impression.

A woman who knows that how she feels about herself will influence how men feel about her. That’s why her confident femininity is so powerful.

Remember, a man will take you at your own valuation.

So makes sure it’s high.

Here are some tips to make a man see you as someone unique and special; someone who really “gets” him – the ultimate cool girl!

Men need to be accepted as men

Too often they find themselves treated as second class women, who need to be taught to “feel” and “express themselves” as women do.

Because men don’t usually talk about how they feel, many women think it means he doesn’t really love them. But when a man loves you, he shows it in how he treats you, and what he does for you.

But instead of accepting his love in the way he gives it, some women become angry and discontented, and criticize and blame him for not caring. This makes him feel a failure as a boyfriend or husband; so he retreats into his shell. In time he will give up altogether.

You need to learn how to connect with him as a man, and to accept him as he is.

Don’t expect him to talk all the time

This applies especially to talking about his feelings (see above), and the State of the Relationship.

Men don’t see talking as the most important part of building a relationship. For him it’s the experience, not the words, that matters. Men talk in order to achieve something or to reach a goal. Everything a man does and says is intended to get him further along the path towards his life goals. To men, talking as an end in itself; or just to pass the time, is really rather pointless.

Men are goal oriented; they see life in terms of winning and losing. They don’t look much at life in the abstract, which means they don’t spend much time thinking about relationships. Instead they think in terms of success and failure; and everything they do and say is either to avoid failure or get one step closer to success.

Teaching men to love them the right way

Too many women think that men should “just know” what to do to make them happy, and then do it.

In fact men are pretty hopeless at understanding women, and you have to accept that they have no ability to read your mind. So be prepared to tell him what you want from him, without blaming him for not knowing instinctively.

Remember, he wants to make you happy. But sometimes he needs some help from you to get it right.

Rewarding bad behavior

Many women do this without realizing it.

For instance, when a woman feels a man is withdrawing or losing interest, she starts trying harder to please him and win him back. This only reinforces his bad behavior, because he gets such positive results from it.

Before long he has stopped trying to please you altogether, because he doesn’t have to make any effort for you make him the center of your world.

On the contrary, in fact. The less attention he pays to you, the more attention he gets from you. So what’s the point of him bothering at all?

Punishing good behavior

A typical example of this is not accepting compliments gracefully. Instead many women brush them aside, saying they are untrue or underserved.

Men hate this; they pay women compliments out of a genuine desire to please them and make them happy; and to have it thrown back at them is both perplexing and painful. By doing this you are actually punishing his good behavior, and making it less likely to happen.

To get a man to do more of what you want, just tell him explicitly when he pleases you, and show him how happy he’s made you. Nothing makes a man feel like a really great guy more than being able to make a woman happy. If fact it’s so intoxicating for him, he’ll immediately want to do more of it!

And the best part is that he’ll treat you exactly the way you want to be treated – and he’ll think it was all his idea!

Accept that men don’t show their love in the way that women do

Don’t believe what you see in the movies. In real life, few men have the ability to string together poetic words and phrases at the right moment to tell you how much they love and adore you.

Women often miss the signs that a man loves them deeply because they don’t know what those signs are. When you understand how men experience love and how they show their love for you, you’ll be able to know without any doubt how he really feels about you.

Avoid projective empathy

One of the most common mistakes a woman can make is trying to love men in the way that they themselves want to be loved.

Men need to be loved in the way that men feel loved. Men don’t experience love in the same way women do; so if you try to show your love in the way that you yourself want to receive it, it will only come through to him as “white noise” or radio static.

Instead you need to learn what it is that men really want from women. This is what makes a man feel that a woman truly “gets”’ him.

How to Attract Men Into Love

Feeling that first chemistry is great, but it takes much more than a great physical connection to find real love. Knowing what really attracts men on the deepest level is what will make it happen for you.

The truth is that men are not that complicated, but they are different.

This can make your relationships with them confusing, unrewarding and difficult; when they could be easy, fulfilling and fun. And if you could understand them better, you would be able to have this kind of relationship.

And now you’re probably asking: ‘But why can’t they understand US better?’

No doubt they could. And not doubt we’d all be better off if they did.

But if your love life isn’t what you want it to be, then YOU are the only person who has the power to change it. Waiting for someone else to change so that YOUR life improves is passive, and won’t actually get you anywhere.

What’s more, it gives all the power to them.

But if YOU take an active role in changing yourself, then you are taking back the power and putting yourself in control of your own life. And what happens then can be incredible.

Understanding men better will increase your power over them, and will skyrocket your attractiveness and desirability. Nothing is as seductive to a man as the feeling that the woman he is with truly “gets” him.

If you are finding difficult to attract men beyond the first few dates, then something in your life needs to change. You need to discover the hidden trigger which makes a man see you not just as the woman he wants but as the woman he needs. Find out how to set off that trigger here.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Lissa

    What if someone doesn’t have those qualities? What if you’re not smart or confident or happy or skinny enough to attract a guy? Must everybody have these qualities to get a date? Surely you don’t have to be perfect to get married?

    1. Sarah

      If you’re not happy with your life you probably shouldn’t be looking for a relationship. Lots of unhappy people seek a relationship as a salve to their unhappiness, but no-one else can make your happy when the problem is within. And the person you’re with feels that they can’t do anything to make you happy and that sours the relationship. You need a level of confidence and self-belief before you can cope with putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Relationships have a way of bringing out insecurities you didn’t even know you had, and without confidence you won’t believe your partner when they compliment you or even believe that they really want to be with you. It’s better to work on yourself and get into a better place. A place where you are living a life you want and becoming the kind of person YOU would want to date. Use this article as a starting point and learn how to be a happy person; then love will find you.

  2. Ellie

    I broke up with someone last month because I couldn’t believe he really loved me. Did I misunderstand? that’s what this post seems to say. But I just wasn’t convinced he loved me. Was I wrong? Or did I not see what he was trying to tell me? I’m so confused……

    1. Sarah

      If he told you he loved you, he almost certainly did. Men only lie in this way if they have serious character issues, such as extreme narcissism; or because they hope to gain something significant (money, power etc). You should know enough about his character to be able to distinguish any shady motives. But you will have seriously undermined yourself in his eyes. Perhaps you have self-esteem issues you should work on, before you try to sustain another relationship.

      1. Louise

        I just posted a reply to another post on this site, about why men love breasts. I just feel that men try to diminish women. We are more than our bodies. Why don’t men see that?

        1. Sarah

          They do. But your body is an important of you too, and some women try to dismiss that. Sex is a big part of any relationship. Sex is like money; it matters far more when you don’t have it. Don’t be the kind of woman who tries to dismiss sex as unimportant. It matters. In a good relationship, the physical, the mental and the spiritual needs are all cared for.

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