Has your relationship ended because your man suddenly pulled away from you and became distant? Did you rack your brains trying to work out what went wrong? And no matter how much you went over and over things, you couldn’t come up with a reason? Actually there can be several reasons why men lose interest; and the good news is that it often has nothing to do with you.

But it’s still horrible when it happens. And it can leave you wondering why he found it impossible to love you as you loved him. The knock to your confidence and feelings of self-worth is soul-destroying too.

But you’re not alone.

This happens all the time to really great women, which makes you wonder why men so often fail to appreciate what’s right under their noses. But the fact is that men experience love differently from women, and this can mean there’s a whole load of stuff going on in his head that you know nothing about.

There will have been a reason, even if he won’t – or can’t – explain it to you.

Why He (Often) Won’t Tell You WHY

Because men aren’t very comfortable with strong emotions, they don’t think about their feelings nearly as much as women do. And that means they don’t understand them as well either. Although he knows something is wrong, he may be genuinely unable to explain it to himself, let alone to you.

It’s unlikely that he made a sudden decision either. He’s probably been feeling unhappy or dissatisfied in the relationship for a while, before he decided he had to end it.

It’s not uncommon for men to believe that they are being kinder by not going into long and painful explanations, especially if they would involve some criticism of you. It’s also a sad fact that they will often shirk what they fear will be an emotional scene, simply because they find them difficult to handle.

The brutal truth is that men are frightened by women’s emotions – the negative ones, that is. And some are not brave enough to face up to the job of telling you it’s over.

Even if he does tell you to your face, he may just use some cliché such as “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I need some space”. But even these offerings do provide some clue about how he really feels.

So here are five common reasons why men lose interest in what was once a great relationship.

1. He Was Never Serious About You

You had a few dates and maybe some great sex but for him it was just a casual relationship. If he’s the kind of guy who attracts women easily he has probably moved on to someone else. He may still call, but less often and will gradually fade away via texts.

If he isn’t that great with women he may still keep you on a slow burn as he enjoys the sex and having your company when he wants it; but he isn’t willing to move the relationship along. Situations like this are very common and can continue for years without changing. If you find yourself doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship then stop and draw back yourself. If he still makes no effort (you need to give him time to react) then you’ll know his heart just isn’t in it.

Another reason men pull away after a period of what seemed like intense connection is because he was love bombing you (go here to find out whether this might apply). If so you should end the relationship for your own sake.

2. He Feels He’s Being Pressured Into An Inevitable Timetable of Commitment

This is probably the most common reason why men lose interest. It happens when the man just doesn’t feel ready to make a commitment to any woman.

Men have a different timeline from women when it comes to commitment (to learn more about that go here). They need to reach a certain level of emotional maturity, where they have sown their wild oats and are willing to forego the possibility of being able to choose a new woman in the future.

There is no age related pattern to reaching this stage. Men are not constrained by the limits on their ability to have children, which can be such a powerful driving force in women. Some men may reach this level of maturity in their early twenties; some not until their thirties or even later.

So how do you get an idea about where a man stands on commitment, before you let yourself get in too deep?

Try asking him about his views on relationships, without making it specifically about your relationship. Keep it light and casual, so that he doesn’t feel you are trying to shoehorn him into some kind of commitment. Then he should feel free to give you an honest and unforced answer.

Pay Attention To It.

If he says he’s not looking for a serious or committed relationship, believe him.

3. They Feel Smothered By Your Neediness

The third reason why men lose interest is when a woman puts pressure on him to commit to her, because she has her own timeline and wants to know where she stands with him.

No-one likes to feel that important decisions about their life are being made for them, or that they are being expected to conform to another’s choices. If you do try to hurry a man along in this way, he may do what you want or he may call off the relationship altogether. But even if he does give in, it’s likely to be with feelings of resentment, which can poison the relationship later.

There are two people in every relationship, and what happens between them has to be a mutual choice. If you do try to force him to choose, you are taking away his responsibility for his own actions. This will significantly diminish his commitment to you.

When he can say later that it wasn’t really what he ever wanted, he will find it much easier to walk away from you.

4. They Feel Their Freedom is Threatened

One of a man’s fears about any relationship is that he won’t be able to live the life he wants to live.

Just because he has a girlfriend, he doesn’t want to think that he can’t see his friends or pursue his hobbies as he did before. He may have less time for them now that you are in his life, but he’s not prepared to give them up altogether.

A man doesn’t want to feel that his girlfriend wants to change or restrict him. So if you do feel that he can only be perfect with a few adjustments, then he really isn’t the right man for you.

If you are fighting with your boyfriend because you don’t think he spends enough time with you, then maybe you need to find other interests yourself. In a healthy relationship there is always space for individuality as well as togetherness. Feeling that you are challenging his freedom is another common reason why men lose interest.

5. They Realize That You Just Aren’t The One

This is particularly hurtful, but you have to realise that in many ways it isn’t personal. People don’t choose to whom they are attracted, and sometimes the right chemistry just isn’t there.

This is something he will certainly be reluctant to tell you, but remember that commitment has to be wholehearted for it to work.

No matter how hard it is to accept, you will be better off in the end without a man whose feelings for you were only half-hearted and lukewarm. Just remember that it’s not your fault. And somewhere out there is a guy who will be right for you.

The truth about why men lose interest is often hard to bear, because it’s painful and difficult to accept. But it’s better to know why things didn’t work out for you this time. Take this knowledge and experience into your next relationship and make it work for you.

Why Men Lose Interest In YOU

Sometimes it’s just because the relationship just wasn’t meant to be. After all, far more relationships break up than don’t, which is why most people are not married before they’re 20.

How you handle him pulling away can make the difference between whether or not the break is permanent. Neediness and panic will ensure he only runs faster – AWAY from you.

Now that you understand why men lose interest, you’ll know that it doesn’t have to mean that everything is over. You CAN put the spark back into your relationship, but you need to understand how. Go here to find out more.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Christine

    Hi, my boyfriend (22) has recently told me that he felt like we were already married (but he also said he sees me as the mother to his children, his. and his wife), however, he was saying that this relationship is like pretty much permanent. It sounds as though he was experiencing the pressure for an inevitable commitment. He also says that the feels like he has a loss of freedom, which.I can understand seeing as he rarely gets time for himself (I am willing to give him space). With all this information, would you say that, with some more space, and some more considerations in place, this is something that we can work on to save the relationship?

    1. Sarah

      22 is very young to be thinking about marriage, let alone children. It sounds as if you need to lighten up and bit and spend less time thinking about the future and more time enjoying the present.

  2. Christine

    My boyfriend told me exactly these, that he felt like we were going down the marriage path, which is essentially feeling pressured into an inevitable time table of commitment, and he feels like he has no freedom. With this I want to ask if I were to give him some space, is there a chance of the relationship working?

    1. Sarah

      Why does he feel that you are going down the marriage path? Or that there is a timetable for your relationship? What not spend more effort on having a good time in the present? And yes, let him feel he has a life of his own. That’s something that holds good in all relationships. And make sure you have a life of your own too.

  3. Soraya

    He WAS The One. I tried so hard to make it perfect. I cant bear it I cant live without him. Please help me to get him back.

    1. Sarah

      This will be hard for you to hear, but perhaps you tried TOO hard to make things perfect. Doing that can make your boyfriend feel you don’t really need him. Try backing off for a while and leaving him to do his own thing. If you are the One for him, it will give him the space to realize it.

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