Is what he says what he means?

Men are, on the whole, neither manipulative nor devious. What they say is usually pretty close to what they mean. It’s just that what they say isn’t always crystal clear to us, because they don’t want to hurt our feelings (and provoke an emotional scene as a result). So they try to say what they mean in a way that won’t actually make us freak out.

So is what he says what he means? Well, the view from man-land is: women are emotional; men are logical (and feel ineffably superior). And so men tend to go after what they want in a fairly straight line.

So if your man is giving what you see as “mixed signals”, the chances are that he’s trying to tell you that you aren’t the love of his life as tactfully as possible. It doesn’t do to over-analyze what men say, and it’s most unlikely that there’s any deep meaning hidden behind his words. What he says is pretty much what he means.

But What She Says…

Women, on the other hand, are elliptical rather than direct. They will often hint at their true meaning instead of saying it directly.

A woman will say to her friend: “I think being a bit curvier suits you” rather than “You’re putting on weight, perhaps you ought to think about dieting”. But both will understand what she’s really saying.

A man though would be more likely to take it literally, as a compliment.

The result is a lot of misunderstanding.

Women can spend hours looking for subtle meanings in men’s simplest words. Ladies, there aren’t any. When he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he means it. He’s not challenging you to try to change his mind.

how irresistible are you

Nevertheless it’s inevitable that a woman will still look for hidden meanings in a man’s lightest utterance. This is usually because she doesn’t want to believe what he said, because what he said wasn’t what she actually wanted to hear.

So for the benefit of those women who don’t appreciate men’s sincerely meant efforts to tell the truth, whilst still remaining polite and tactful; here is a translation of their most commonly misunderstood gems.

1: What he says: “I’ll call you.”

What he means: “I won’t call you. I just had to say something to end the conversation and that sounded about right.”

2: What he says: “I’ll call you later.”

What he means: “I might call you, when I have time and if I remember.”

3: What he says: “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

What he means: “I’ve never thought of dating you, and I never will, but you’re my friend and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

4: What he says: “Let’s hang out sometime.”

What he means: “I want to ask you for a date, but I’m not 100% sure you’ll say yes, so I’m trying to check out how you feel about it.”

5: What he says: “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

What he means:

When you’ve just met: “Can we have sex?”

When he’s known you for a while: “I think you’re gorgeous and I love being with you. Can we have sex?”

6: What he says: “I don’t care.”

What he means: “It really doesn’t matter to me. I’m happy to do whatever you want. When it IS a big deal, I’ll tell you. So PLEASE just tell me what you want to do tonight.”

7: What he says: “I was only kidding.”

What he means: “You were supposed to think I was kidding. Only another man should have realized I was saying something profoundly true.”

8: What he says: “I didn’t mean it like that.”

What he means: “I did mean it like that, but I wasn’t expecting you to be so upset. What’ve I said anyway?” To him it’s trivial, and he can’t be bothered to fight over it.

9: What he says: “She’s just a friend.”

What he means: “She’s still on my “to do” list.”

10: What he says: “Who? Oh, I didn’t even notice her…”

What he means: “I just about managed to get my jaw back in place before you noticed. Of course I think she’s hot, but it doesn’t mean I’d rather be with her than with you. I’ll have forgotten her in less than 5 minutes.”

11: What he says: “Look, I’m sorry.”

What he means: “I’m sick of arguing, can we move on to the hot make-up sex now?”

12: What he says: “Can we talk about this later?”

What he means: “Can we drop the subject – permanently – please?”

13: What he says: “My ex was kind of crazy.”

What he means: “If you’re the type who turns every minor setback into a major emotional drama, I’m outta here.”

14: What he says: “I never masturbate.”

What he means: “I’m trying to cut it down to twice a day – three times at weekends.”

15: What he says: “I never watch porn.”

What he means: “Women just don’t understand about porn and I don’t want to be made to feel like some kind of pervert. It’s not as if I’m addicted. Sorry, but it’s so much easier just to lie.”

16: What he says: “I don’t know.”

What he means: “I can’t answer truthfully as it would get me into far too much trouble – whatever I say.”

17: What he says: “It’s a guy thing.”

What he means: “I can’t explain it in any way you would understand. It’s not a big deal; it’s just something I like. Can we drop it please?”

18: What he says: “You look incredible in that dress.”

What he means: “PLEASE can we go now?”

19: What he says: “I like a girl who doesn’t wear any makeup.”

What he means: “I hate it when girls wear so much makeup they look like clowns. I still want you to look your best; I just don’t want it to be obvious.”

20: What he says: “I love watching you eat.”

What he means: “I don’t think you’re fat, I just love a girl who actually enjoys her food. It’s incredibly sexy, and as you actually eat normal food it means I can finish what you don’t want. You’re perfect!”

21: What he says: “Maybe we should think about exercising.”

What he means: “You’re getting fat.”

22: What he says: “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

What he means: “I’m really only looking for sex. We can see where this goes, but I’m not really thinking about the future right now. Is that OK?”

23: What he says: “I’ve been busy.”

What he means: “I’m not interested enough to make time to see you.”

24: What he says: “I don’t like putting relationship stuff on Facebook.”

What he means: “I don’t want the other women I know to think I’m in a relationship. Because in my mind at least, I’m not.”

25: What he says: “I’m confused about this relationship.”

What he means: “I don’t think you’re the right woman for me, and I’m thinking about breaking up with you.”

26: What he says: “I’m emotionally unavailable.”

What he means: “Please end this relationship before I have to.”

27: What he says: “We need to take a break.”

What he means: “This is your last chance to dump me – before I dump you.”

28: What he says: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

What he means: “It is you.”

29: What he says: “Can I give you a massage?”

What he means: “Can we have sex?”

30: What he says: “Let me cook for you tonight.”

What he means: “Come over to my place so we can have sex.” (Still, it’s one up on “Netflix and chill”.)

31: What he says: “I’m a bit tired.”

What he means: “Of course I still want to have sex, but can you take care of the foreplay?”

32: What he says: “How many men have you slept with?”

What he means: “Please don’t tell me how many men you’ve slept with. I don’t want to sabotage this relationship. I’m just afraid you’ll think I’m a complete novice, and I want to look as cool as James Bond. Please don’t tell me what I don’t want to hear.”

33: What he says: “I’m not angry.”

What he means: “I’m really annoyed, but I’ll get over it. Let’s not make it into a big thing, OK?”

34: What he says: “I’m OK.”

What he means: “Please don’t interfere with my problem. I need to solve it myself.

35: What he says: “Nothing’s wrong.”

What he means: “I can’t explain what’s wrong because I don’t understand my feelings myself.”

36: What he says: “What’s wrong?”

What he means: “Tell me the quickest way to put things right. I don’t want to know the reasons. I just want to stop fighting so that we can have sex and make things OK again.”

37: What he says: “My friend Rob’s having a party on Saturday. Can you come?”

What he means: “I want you to meet my friends. I think you’re an amazing girl, and I’m expecting them to be madly envious of me.”

38: What he says: “How do you know that guy?

What he means: “Have you had sex with him?”

39: What he says: “I really like you.”

What he means: “You’re great fun and I love having sex with you, but I’m not thinking about anything serious. Can we just go on having great sex together?”

40: What he says: “I love you.”

What he means:

When said during sex: “That was some of the greatest sex I’ve ever had, and almost blew my brains out. Can we do it again?”

When said at other times: “You’re amazing. I’m crazy about you and I don’t want to see anyone else. If I don’t sober up soon, I’ll even start using the M word. Yabba dabba doo!!!”

What He Says vs What He Means

Finding your way through the things men say should be easy. When it isn’t, it’s usually because we want him to mean the opposite of what he seems to be saying. And what he seems to be saying is that he might not be seeing you again tomorrow.

Or the next day.

In fact, he’s not sure when he’ll be seeing you again.

When you feel a man pulling away from you like this, its hard to know what you can do to bring him back. But there is a way. Click here to find out what it is.

This Post Has 112 Comments

  1. sofia

    Alright, i need some SERIOUS help, i met this guy, hes 4 years older than me dang ik, we diddnt hangout so much but we were perfect, we had sex multiple times and we both loved it, it was so passionate, so dreamy etc etc. idk where he lives and stuff like that, we met up at local places to do yk what. and we were sexting SO MUCH on snapchat but then he quited talking to me, and would leave me on open, until he blocked me. i was very heartbroken bc i loved him so much. And months passed and recently he added me again and i was being very cold to him and dry tho my heart wanted to jump into his arms through the screen. he said he just diddnt want to get too attached to me bc im too young, but he couldent stop thinking about me, and stuff like that. but the problem is ik hes a fuckboy and maybe would have cheated on me bc my bestriend got a friend request from him back when we just started talking. she diddnt accept tho so idk for sure. so idk if he really means it and if i should give him a second chance or not. PLEASE GIVE YOUR FEED BACK ON MY E MAIL!!!! PLEASE!!!!

    1. Sarah

      I think you know in your heart that he only wants sex. Try to hold back with your emotions in future until there is some level of commitment; it will be easier to do that if you don’t have sex immediately.

  2. Kelli

    I recently ran into a friend I haven’t seen in forever and we hung out at his place he kissed me made moves on me said I wasn’t ready.Then some time went by and we finally had sex but he doesn’t finish in me. Is that wired? And he doesn’t like to communicate through texting at all.He wants friends with benefits but I want more. I was about to break things off with him a few weeks ago ten he said he will try to make more effort and said that me being needy is a turn off. He said he really does like me and truly cares for me.He is So complicated. What would you all do?

    1. Sarah

      There’s nothing complicated going on here. He wants FWB. You want a relationship. He’s not the one losing out here.

    2. Nikki

      Get rid of him, he is using you for sex.

    3. sofia

      tell him your looking for more, and if he actually wont say i love you, but i cant make all my efforts go to “friends with benifits”

  3. Diana

    I met a guy, that’s it’s traveling through my country, he stayed in my state for two months, he insisted that I was the reason for it… we started pretty casual, we were having sex, but spent every day together and talking a lot, I obviously knew we were traveling, he left to a close city, but we kept texting and we planned a trip together, I got very sick and he stayed there for a month because he wanted to be there with him… we waited for me… Finally, I visited him, it was pretty fun, ONE day I got a bit crazy, he told me that he was curious about open relationships… at the end i explained to him that i couldn’t do that, that I cant stand being with more people, he said it was okay, and that we would never hurt me, we said goodbye and he texted that we really liked me and loved me. A few weeks later I visited because he was traveling farther away… so of course, I was pretty nervous again, I thought that it was better to end… One day a man asked us if we were a couple I didn’t reply, and when the man left, he said that I didn’t correct the man, anyway… he started to tell me that he was not ready and didn’t want a relationship (neither do I, but I wanted loyalty and to be with him) then he kinda told me I could do whatever I want in the next couple months, meaning that he wanted the same… I obviously got pretty upset, then apparently, he’s planning to come back and still wants to spend time with me, he keeps talking to me about everything. I told him that I was definitely out of that and we could just stay as friends, that I would not be one of his girlfriends in every state… he said, pretty sad, that it was okay… he still kissed and he said that it was not just that… that its the whole situation, he is traveling, he’s not okay emotionally (I’m pretty aware of that) a few months ago, he told me I really helped him to be better, that I made him happier … bla bla bla. Now he’s still talking to me… I’m just confused and I don’t know what to do… I definitely want to defend myself and my feelings. I would like him to know that he hurt me, and really would like to figure out what to do… make him know that that’s not okay, and for sure wanna know what is he thinking… maybe make him suffer a bit?

    1. Sarah

      He’s told you as kindly as he can that he only wants a casual relationship. Believe him. You seem reluctant to admit that you want more. Be true to yourself.

  4. Alyssa

    I met this guy on the internet and we live in the different country so of course we can’t see each other. We started to talking, everything went so good between us – we even plan to see each other – except for one thing. He usually brings up sexually conversations and he sent his nudes but he never force me to sent mine bc i said I’m not comfortable with that (I only send him my face with the dog filter in Snapchat), he said it’s okay he respects me. There was once I almost stop talking to him bc I thought he only wanted to talk about sex and see my pics but then he said that’s not all he wants and told me I don’t have to do anything that I feel uncomfortable. So I asked him even so he still wanna talk to me and he said yes. So we continue talking, we started to video chat which was good bc it made us understand each other more and more but still it seems like I’m the only one who wanna video chat but he seems like he wants to text even though he said he wants to video chat bc he never started to video chat me. There was once I actually got mad at him and he said he’s sorry, he really feels guilty, he will give me a free punch when we see each other. He seems to care about me lots of time cuz he try to understand me, he really listens to what I said, he plans to visit me, he only talks to me (I check his snap scores, it never goes up when he doesn’t respond me so basically he only talks to me. He said he deactivated his instagram account bc his ex tryna get back w him but he doesn’t want to. If he doesn’t lie to me then I’m pretty sure he only talks to me.), he talks about our future dating sometimes, he even said he’ll buy the ticket for me to see him but still I don’t know if he actually wants to date me and take things serious between us because he still brings up sexually conversations. I’m really confused about him like what he feels or what he thinks. I also think why would he keep talking to me even though I don’t send nudes to him.

    1. Susan

      Do yourself a favour. This guy is a waster, who’s just playing you. Sending Nude photos of himself shows how immature and into himself he is. I’m a lot older than you and met all
      That rubbish. You can bet he won’t come to see you in your state He’s likely telling the same story to othrt girls. Get yourself a guy close to home who will treat you with respect.

      1. China

        Thanks for your insight! I have this guy who randomly added me in Skype and chat and chat and we even VC but then conversations are mainly sexual and Im not comfortable with nudes and the likes. I told him about it and he said it’s fine but then again 80% of the conversations we had is him coaxing me to be nude or along these lines. So I removed him from my contacts (not blocked) and he lamented how I removed him from my life again (I deleted his contact before). The red flag is this: He won’t even tell the name of the place he lived. I didn’t ask for the exact address, just the area. Maryland is a huge state so yeah…

        1. Sarah

          Delete him again, permanently this time.

  5. Luna

    I met this guy in March and we had some kind of casual fling, he would ask about me, and the conversation was always like 70% my info. If I stayed away from talking/chatting with him for even a single day he rang up on me asking me if I was okay. But the strangest thing is, if I asked him about his backstory he would say his childhood was not much exciting like mine. I was really “fun and bold” to him. We went out on couple of walks together. So around May I returned to my home state. I remember, when I was in the boarding gate area, he rang me up and we talked for like 1 hour. After the final boarding call I told him I had to cut the call, after that he told me in urgency “I, really like you, I would have dated you but I don’t want to ruin your life” At that time he was in a very meager financial situation, he had a lot of loans on his back. Was his feelings genuine or was he just playing with me? Now we don’t even talk, it’s like we never met. And yes, we slept together.

    1. Sarah

      Do you mean he’s ghosted you?

      1. Jessica

        What does it mean when you ask a guy what he would call us or what sees/thinks of what we are and he responds, I mean we are an item?

        1. Sarah

          Why are you leaving it all up to him? Talk about what you want and if it’s not what he wants too then it’s not a relationship with much future.

  6. Viv

    He is single and an ex-colleague. We just hang a fair bit outside of work, even when we were at that time still working in the same co. We started out just hanging for work purposes, then occasionally as “friends” over weekends. Recently when he had to find his own apartment, I helped him a lot and he referring to “we”, “our apartment”, let’s do it” etc. Even asking me to view apartments with him to get my opinion, choosing furniture together, and scrubbing and cleaning together to get it to a livable condition. Last week, after 2 years of us “hanging out”, he offered to give me his keys, saying I can come and go whenever I like, or just have a place to chill if I ever need to. Problem is, I am married and he knows it. I have 2 kids, whom he has seen. I am 8 years his senior and earn more than him. He has a decent job and highly proficient in what he does (and so am I). Is he just dependent on me? Or is he getting emotionally attached to me? What does him giving me the keys mean? We haven’t had any sexual moments but I do sense it’s sometimes on his mind. I just don’t act on it. I hope I haven’t led him on but maybe I have been extending myself too much?

    BTW I didn’t immediately accept his keys. Only said that I will take up his offer when I need it.

    1. Sarah

      It’s quite possible that your behavior has led him to believe that you might be available for hookups. But if you are happily married then why would you take up his offer at all? And if your marriage isn’t all you’d like it to be then perhaps it would have been better if you have devoted the energy you have expended on providing a house for a colleague on improving it – if only for the sake of your children.

  7. Екатерина

    Sorry maybe i’m dumb but
    My bf texted me that i got him down to T..what does it mean? English is not my first language so it’s a bit confusing.I asked him right away what did he mean but.. i have a feeling that he fooled me and gave a wrong meaning to his previous words x0
    What did he actually mean?

    1. Sarah

      To ‘get something down to a T’ means to be 100% accurate.

  8. Gizibe

    Hi, I’ve been chatting with this guy for months now after not chatting for about 2 years (we lost contact for some reason but managed to reconnect last year). Recently we hang out online by watching movies together and playing games. From time to time he would say that he enjoys spending time with me, that I’m amazing, and would often encourage me when I feel like doubting myself. He would always initiate setting up stuff for me and said I’m worth it (maybe for the effort he’s exerting in setting up stuff for me). We talk everyday and if he’s busy that he can’t chat that much, he would always let me know. He never leave me hanging (so far). He even said he’s really comfortable with me and we’re kinda open to talk about everything under the sun. Do you think he likes me or he’s just being a really nice friend to me? Thanks.

    1. Sarah

      I think he likes you. Have you tried flirting with him?

    2. Carl

      Wow. Late reply. From a Gentleman’s perspective, things men say have no sexual intentions or are misleading at all. This list sounds like one girl; focused on a certain type of man, which she attracts. Ladies. If you don’t understand what he means, ask him to clearify before jumping to conclusions. Try it. You’ll thank me later and he’ll think more before he speaks!

      1. Sarah

        Thanks for the perspective. The article isn’t intended to be taken too seriously.

  9. Dating is confusing

    He says we are dating exclusively but there’s no title yet. I’m not his girlfriend, lady or woman. We are seeing where this goes and there are steps that leads to maybe a future commitment down the road. What is this confusing mess?

    1. Sarah

      Why do you need a label? Just set you own standards and live by them.

  10. Lizzy

    What does a guy mean,who is a friend but possibly like you, when he tells you he’s looking for a woman? Does he mean me?

    1. Sarah

      He might. Try flirting with him and see what happens!

  11. Lisa

    Seeking advise on how to respond to him 🙁

    1. Sarah

      Try thinking about what you hope to get out of it versus what you actually will get out of it.

      1. precious

        Hi I have a question I have a guy friend me and him use to be friend with benefit about 6 year ago which now I’m married and he has a girlfriend now but here and there he still message me saying hey you was on mind how should i handle the situation because he still want to be just my friend in it just confusing

        1. Sarah

          There isn’t a situation and there is no reason for confusion. You don’t have to reply.

  12. Christine

    When a man says, You think you know it all or If you said I did it then I did it…. what does that mean

    1. Sarah

      It means he’s feeling thoroughly fed up.

  13. Eirika

    We’ve been seeing each other since three months and he asked me if I’m willing to move with him out of state cuz he doesn’t want to lose me ,and he said he kind of know how he feel about me now. He is a quiet person and doesn’t text or call too much ,really bad at commutation and he apologized and promised it won’t happens again but still repeating the same ,so he text me once or twice a day and sometimes not. I’m confused .

    1. Sarah

      Well, how often do you expect him to text? Maybe he doesn’t like calling or texting unless he has something to say.

    2. Shim

      Sounds like the dude I was dating. He’s originally from New York but currently residing in Louisiana. I experienced the same bs. He says one thing yet does the opposite. His lack of communications is shitty. I
      Left the relationship cause I see that he is a toxic person and I refuse to be in a toxic unhealthy rest.

    3. Lisa

      So I’m crazy this guy that is like a long distance f*** buddy blocked me on Snapchat and I texted him asking why did he do that and he responded saying he deactivated his acct. Now I’m the crazy stalker and have responded to him since. Should I still text him ? Idk what to text him now. He’s in town and I would like to see him lol

  14. Ursula

    I’m in a relationship. We live together. We do fight at times. One day he tells me we are good together . What does that mean. Should I worry.

    1. Sarah

      Sounds good to me.

  15. Carmen lopez

    The guy I dated for 2 months texts me at the end of our apologies, “you take care always”. We broke up after 2 months and then reconnected. We both apologized for our actions and behavior. Does his comment mean that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?

    1. Sarah

      It does sound as if he regards the relationship as over. But he obviously does care for you so this might help you to rekindle his feelings.

  16. Kiara

    I was with a guy then he went through some stuff left came back and kept the same narrative of me being the women of his dreams and that I check off all criteria of a wife then I told him if he wants to just leave to do so. He texted me back telling me he can’t give me what I deserve but we had recently talked about him being spoiled but that’s how I show my affection and he doesn’t understand that. Then he said he just can’t do it right now. I’m will not take him back if he comes back but I want to know what this means for the next time

    1. Sarah

      I think you are wise to have ended things with this man. He might just have commitment issues (go here and here for more on that) or he might have a mild case of this.

  17. Lena

    My boyfriend said maybe I will keep you around. What is that supposed to actually mean?

    1. Sarah

      It sounds as if he thinks it’s his decision alone. Is it?

  18. Tasha

    I’ve been dating a man almost 4 years and we were once committed but the last 2 we have been dating off and on, I asked him to tell me we’re we are going, if he sees a future, or to tell me the truth and his response is I don’t know. What does that mean??

    1. Sarah

      It probably means he’s been stringing you along for the past 2 years. Why did you go on seeing him when he was no longer committed to you?

      1. Tiffany

        So I have been seeing this guy for the past two and half years now I have talked on the phone with some of his kids he asked for me to marry him but for some reason I feel like he still live the mother of his last child he cater to her needs she knows how to get under his skin to the point he shuts down she doesn’t even know about me

        1. Sarah

          Several large red flags are clear here. First, with how many different women does this man have children? The larger the number the more you should question his ability to commit. Second, why, if your relationship is serious, haven’t you actually met any of his children? And only talked on the phone to some – not all – of them? And third, why doesn’t the mother of his last child even know about this apparently serious relationship? And given all this, why is this man now talking of marriage with you?

          You should think very carefully whether placing your happiness in his hands is really a good idea.

    2. Hillary

      It’s exactly what it sounds like. Don’t fool yourself. MOVE ON. he’s not the one for you.

  19. Rene

    I like this guy, and we text everyday, and often the texts are about ourselves such as favorite music and what not. I’m not worried just wondering if you thought he was interested, but he was kind of distant, which as his friends and you know i really wanted to make him feel better, and i would send the short sweet texts asking how his day went in what not. His replies would be short like yeah and ok, so i thought he needed time to himself but then suddenly he texted “oh, you left me on read” so i said I didnt mean to, but how was his day, he said how his day went and we texted awhile then he said “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I went through alot today but I’ll ttyl” so I told him I understand and I’m here if he wants to talk about it

    1. Sarah

      Take a step back and ask yourself: are you in a relationship with this man? Are you his girlfriend? If the answer is no, then why are you telling him you are ‘there for him’? It’s natural and normal for people try to attract someone by doing for them what you would like them to do for you, but unfortunately it doesn’t usually work. You say you like him; presumably that means you’d like to be his girlfriend and you are trying to show him what a great girlfriend you’d be. Well, show him, not by giving in order to get but by being someone he’ll want as a girlfriend.

  20. Toni

    So I was talking to this guy for 7 weeks, we spoke every day texted etc, met up a few times told me he’d liked me for 12yrs,we meet up and he’s acting different says he can’t de with the stress, he goes to leave comes back in asked me for a kiss and says il contact you in a few, what does he even mean I’m confused

    1. Sarah

      What stress? Tell him to come back when he’s a big boy and he’s made up his mind.

  21. Patty

    My boyfriend told me that he has been feeling down the past few weeks and wasn’t as happy as he used to be. He talked to his friend and dad about it , and now he wants to come over and talk to me about it. He’d really want to have this conversation in person. Should I be worried ?

    1. Sarah

      Is his unhappiness connected with your relationship?

      1. Tanya

        What does it mean when my ex tells me he will give me his last?

        1. Sarah

          Last what? It sounds as if he failed to finish the sentence.

  22. Anonymous

    My boyfriend said this “I need some time to think about stuff” & “I will take the weekend to think things over” baring in mind that he just resigned from his Job and is recovering from being ill. I am confused about this and pretty much afraid of the outcome, not that I am desperate to be in a relationship However I have fallen in love with him and I don’t want our relationship to end on trivial matters. Please Advise…

    1. Sarah

      Why do you think the ‘stuff’ he has to think about involves you? You say he’s just left his job. He needs to think about what he’s going to do next.

  23. Becca

    What does he really mean when he said “I’d love to understand you” but at the same time he calls me “my friend”?

    1. Sarah

      What he says I imagine. Perhaps he wants to understand women better.

  24. Mslonely

    My bf says this during fight “we are not married, I have other plans” does he mean it?

    1. Sarah


  25. Brooke

    The last time I saw my ex he asked me if I wanted to be his queen and then later on told me he didn’t want to settle and didn’t have time for a relationship. A couple years later, he texts me saying he misses me and then earlier this year I saw that he unfollowed me and changed his number. What does this all mean, was he ever even into me or cared? Btw hes in the military and thats why ‘we broke up’.

    1. Sarah

      “A couple of years later”??????????????? Why are you still giving him the time of day? Get a life. Move on.

  26. Bri

    What does it mean when your ex says he was talking to someone else but“ she wasnt like you”?

    1. Sarah

      It means he was talking to another woman about whom you apparently know but she wasn’t like you: and as he is your ex how do you know about all this? Are you stalking him?

  27. Erica Wilson

    He wants you to keep sending nudes but will never commit.

    1. Sarah

      Possibly. Probably. Why should he when he’s getting the service without it?

  28. Priscilla

    My husband said love me but loves me he’s way what does that mean

    1. Sarah

      Perhaps you are behaving towards him as you would like him to behave towards you because you believe he will appreciate it. But the way men like to receive love is often different from women. Ask him what it is he wants.

  29. Aliyah

    What does it mean when you’ve been talking everyday for 4 months and y’all have been sending nudes sometimes but you aren’t together and he says “you are mine and I am yours.”

    1. Sarah

      Have you actually met?

    2. Erica Wilson

      He wants you to keep sending nudes but will never commit.

      1. Sarah

        Why are you sending nudes to a man who isn’t your boyfriend anyway? Merely because he asked? Learn to say no!

  30. Silvia

    Hi I’ve been talking to this men since June! We’ve been in a conversation every since! He always ask Why him and What do you mean!? I’ve been giving him answers every time! He keeps constantly asking those questions!? I don’t know what he wants from me!

    1. Sarah

      Maybe he’s got such low self-esteem he can’t believe his luck!

      1. Melissa

        Hi! I’ve met someone over a mobile game (I know, kinda weird, I guess.) In the game there’s in-game voice chat, so we use that as a form of communication. We talk almost every day, becoming friends on Facebook, talking on messenger for a good while now. When we’re playing he says ‘you’re the best’ or ‘I love you’ when I give him his favorite shotgun. We exchange compliments and flirt a little sometimes even when other people can hear. Once, he said he has no kids, because he’s still a kid too. The way he said it made it seem like I offended him. He’s 31 and works, so I did rule out being a man child. He calls me ‘shorty,’ in which he said he calls every one of his female friends that. Then there’s also some days where he completely doesn’t acknowledge that I exist or won’t talk to me as much as he would if it were just us two playing or messaging each other. He says he’ll ‘hit me up’ but never does. I’m about so close to losing my mind if I end up falling for someone that isn’t mature. He doesn’t know how I’m starting to feel for him. I don’t know what to do at this point. Please, help.

        1. Sarah

          “He says he’ll ‘hit me up’ but never does.” And maybe he never will. Stop building dreams around something that may perhaps mean very little to him. Take off the rose-colored spectacles and go and play a game with real people.

  31. Lexi

    What does it mean when he says he’ll
    do anything for you?

    1. Sarah

      It usually means he wants something in return.

      1. Lexi

        He would constantly tell others that I was his favorite and would always say “isn’t she the best?” He told one of my closest friends that he loved me, that I was the love of his life, and that he’d do anything for me. He even invited me to go kayaking with him to spend more time with him. But I can’t tell what he necessarily meant by that since we’re just friends and I’ve known him for a short period of time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        1. Sarah

          That sounds a bit OTT for someone you haven’t known long and who is just a friend. It can be a red flag when men behave like this towards a woman they hardly know.

        2. Meghan

          Maybe hes into you as more than just friends. The fact he calls you the love of his life to your friends is a bit odd amd can be a red flag. Talk to him about and ask him point blank.

  32. Ocean

    What does he mean when he says “Do we have to be together for me to be there for you?””I love you and want to be there for you”

    1. Sarah

      Maybe he has a crush on you but saying something like that to a girl who isn’t your girlfriend can be a bit of a red flag. Proceed with caution.

    2. Crystal

      almost it makes me think there is a fear of commitment and wanting to keep options open almost like your a side piece and that’s all you will be to that person but they don’t want to tell you directly that they fear you will no longer want to have sex or keep in contact with them if they tell you. It almost makes me think of a friends with benefits thing or an on dial booty call but you don’t know you’re just a booty call however I could be wrong about that and it could just mean he needs some space that you don’t need to do everything together that you are being too clingy is another way he’s saying things too.

      1. Sarah

        Here’s another take on it.

  33. Melissa

    What does he mean when u were going on dates for a month then he says he is not looking for a relationship but we can still going out with her friends and have fun , and I said no its okay and then next day he look for you at house , ask you if u want to grab some coffee and talk but he doesn’t say anything about the night before , was he apologizing or what does he wants?

    1. Sarah

      He’s probably just hoping that there are no hard feelings between you. It sounds as if he likes you but not enough to want you to be his girlfriend.

  34. Maya

    What does he mean when he say I understand if you want to leave.

    1. Sarah

      See item 27.

  35. Stephy

    I asked if he doing anything fun for weekend? He said ‘no nothing’ then i asked if he want to go coffee. Then he said ‘what time?’ Then I proceeded to tell him the time. Then he said ‘that time i will be golfing but next time!’ What does he means?

    1. Sarah

      He means golf comes first, but since you’ve asked, he wouldn’t mind having coffee when he’s got nothing better to do.

    2. Maria

      What does he really mean when he says “I got to go and take care of something” but doesn’t give any specifics as to what that “something” is?

      1. Sarah

        It means he wants to be somewhere else.

  36. Asiimwe

    We have had issues and he keeps telling me he is busy whenever I call .when I ask him whether he doesn’t want to talk to me he gets upset and asks whether I don’t know the difference between busy and not wanting to talk , what should I do

    1. Sarah

      Discover the difference between being busy and not wanting to talk.

  37. Brenda

    Obviously he doesn’t say what he means reading all the above…

    1. Sarah

      No, not when he thinks it’ll get him into trouble. But when men don’t usually do is speak elliptically; so when women spend hours trying to find hidden meanings in what they said they are wasting their time. However, what you say has occurred to me more than once since I wrote this article.

  38. Kayley

    What does it mean when your boyfriend says “you’re awesome”. Our relationship is actually really great compared to others I’ve been in, and I’ve just never had a guy say that before

    1. Sarah

      Men usually say what they mean, and when he says ‘you’re awesome’ he probably means ‘you’re awesome’. It’s a compliment. Accept it graciously and be happy.

  39. Tara

    What does it mean if he says I do something to him no other girl has ever done before?

    1. Sarah

      Maybe you irritate him. Maybe you make him feel great. Maybe you drive him up the wall. It depends on the context.

  40. Asker

    What does this mean when a man say she’s my female friend and I like her.

    1. Sarah

      Maybe he means what he says – men usually do. Don’t go looking for hidden meanings in what men say, there aren’t any.

  41. Neon

    What does it mean when a guy say’s he can do better?

    1. Sarah

      It depends on the context. If you want a relationship with him and that is his response, you should walk away immediately. If you’ve just had sex and it was a disaster, he’s negotiating for a second chance; probably to soothe his bruised ego but possibly because it really mattered to him and he’s afraid you won’t want to see him again.

  42. Sedonia

    What does it mean when a guy likes you tell you that you need a man in your life?

    1. Sarah

      Maybe it means he’d like to be that man. Maybe it means he thinks all women need a man in order to function at all. Maybe it means something in between. It’s something that can only be known by the context and the way in which it was said. And you were there when he said it.

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