Well, what do men really want? How do you attract a man and make him fall in love with you?

Do they want a sexy siren? Do they want a homemaker? Do they want a friend? What do men really want?

Many women put their all into their relationships, but all they get back is a man who dithers, a man who blows hot and cold, a man who withdraws and pulls away, or a man who dumps them and then marries someone else.

Someone he just met.

You tried to be a great girlfriend. You gave him everything. And yet he didn’t give you that same devoted love back. He wouldn’t commit. And maybe he even just – left.

And the worst part is that he probably didn’t tell you why your relationship didn’t work for him. And if he did, it might not have been the whole truth – or even any of it.

Why What Men Really Want is Sometimes So Hard to Understand

So why? You’re smart. You’re successful. You’ve got great friends, and a great career. When you come up against a problem or a challenge, you find a way to solve it. So why is success in this one part of your life eluding you?

Is it a lack of good men?

Is it you?

The answer is; it’s neither. It’s about what men really want in a woman. And that doesn’t mean having to change yourself into something you’re not. It means showing all the fabulous qualities you already have in ways that make you irresistible to him.

When you understand men on a deep primal level, you’ll become the woman who “gets” him in a way no other women ever has. When you know how the things you say and do to a man affect him, you’ll know exactly how to create a powerful feeling of attraction in him.

An attraction that puts you at the center of his world.

1. Independence

Independence is sexy. It’s also inspirational to a man. It tells him you are a woman with dreams and a purpose, with a great life of her own that he would be privileged to share.

This stops you being needy and shows how much you value him and your relationship. A man feels great when he wins the approbation and devotion of a high value woman.

But he also wants to feel needed. What men really want is for you have enough space in your great life for him. It’s important to him that, when you are together, you are present and focused and giving him all your attention. What he dislikes is a woman who is not present in the moment when he’s with her.

If you stay busy with your own life and your own interests when you’re apart, and have fun and great times when you’re together, you’ll be striking the right balance.

What you must avoid is making him the sole center of your world.

Many women do this, and they do it with the best intentions. They want to show a man how much love, how much value they have to offer him. But when you shower a man with love, and invest far more into the relationship than he does, a man feels he is being manipulated and coerced into a commitment. This is that last thing that men really want, and they will always resist.

It’s this that makes women believe that men just don’t want to commit. But most men DO want to find a great woman with whom they can build a life and be happy. With one proviso: they want to feel it was their choice. They don’t want to feel they were manoeuvered or forced into it.

2. Respect and Appreciation

Did you know that men would rather be respected than loved? In fact, when asked which they would prefer, many men were puzzled because they couldn’t see ANY difference between them. Bottom line: if a man doesn’t feel respected, he won’t feel loved either.

So what makes him feel respected?
Being appreciated.

The nagging wife is a hoary old joke, but the reason she’s been around so long is that it’s a man’s ultimate nightmare. It makes him feel utterly disrespected and unappreciated.

So what’s the answer?
It’s simple. Let him know when he does things that make you happy.

Concentrate on those, instead of on the things he gets wrong. Men love to make women happy; in fact the most common reason men give for leaving a woman is “No matter what I did, I just couldn’t make her happy any more”.

When he sees how happy he’s made you, he’ll want to repeat the experience. Nothing is more addictive to a man. And if there’s something you’d especially like him to do; tell him.

Don’t be the woman who pouts and sulks and says “Nothing” when a man asks you what’s wrong. Remember that men are not subtle, and they don’t pick up hints. It’s just not the way men communicate.

OK, so it’s not romantic when you have to tell a man explicitly what you’d like from him. But when he knows what you want, then he has the chance to get things right. And then, later, when he does do something wonderful out of the blue, it will be romantic.

You just have to put up with being a bit prosaic and pragmatic first.

3. Playfulness and Fun

Nothing builds a connection quicker and binds a man to you faster than having fun together. For women, talking is their natural way of connecting with people. But as we all know, men don’t always like to talk, especially about their feelings.

Men like to play.

It’s not that talking isn’t important. But it won’t build a connection with a man, especially at the beginning of a relationship, in the way that playfulness and fun will. Sharing physical experiences that are exciting, challenging and fun is what convinces a man that being with you makes life just great.

And fun is an element that should always be at the center of your relationship. Teasing, laughing, and having fun activities that you love doing together is a vital glue. It stops things becoming stale and boring, so that your relationship stagnates and eventually dies.

So never forget to play and have fun.

4. Confidence

Confidence is even sexier than independence. In fact confidence is at the root of independence, and of all the other qualities that men really want in women.

A confident woman is sure of her own worth and value. A confident woman is not needy, and does not depend on a man for her self-worth. She does not need anyone to make her happy. But when she meets a man who attracts her, who can make her life even better than it is alone, then she wants to make room in her life for him. Together they can share all they have to offer each other, and so life becomes even more wonderful.

A confident woman is not blind to her faults, but still believes that she would be a prize for any man. This is the kind a woman a man will move mountains to win.

5. Femininity

Equality has made some women feel that nirvana lies in always being one of the boys. But guys are attracted to women because they are women. There’s a conundrum here.

If a man wants to share a beer or play poker, he’s already got people available for it – his friends. Guys are attracted to women for all the qualities they won’t find in their friends


Too many women nowadays try to mask their femininity in the belief that men will like them more if they act like men. This is the quickest way to go straight into the friend zone, and stay there.

Men decide very quickly whether or not they find a woman sexually attractive. And before you start spluttering your indignation, women do too. And once you’ve been categorized, it’s hard to escape. So don’t let this happen when things could have been so different if only you’d shown your natural femininity at the start.

So What Do Men Really Want?

What do men really want? They want to date a happy, positive, and feminine woman; not one who is critical, cynical or unsympathetic. It all comes down to feeling good when he’s with you, which is the vital incentive that makes any person want to spend time in another’s company.

If he’s saying things like: “Things are fine as they are now” or “If it isn’t broken, why fix it?”, then it means that deep down he’s not convinced that you are The One. He doesn’t want to make any irrevocable decisions, because he’s not moving forward in the relationship right now.

But you can change all this. You can change it by demonstrating the qualities that will make see you as the one woman he can’t afford to lose. The qualities that men really want in the woman he chooses for life.

When you surprise him like this, you let him think he is winning. And what do men really want? They want to win.

For a man, feeling that he is winning creates a relationship that always feels fresh and vibrant, and which gets better day by day. It all comes back to understanding and learning to literally control a man’s mind

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Secret

    I learned all the above the hard way. Men loves to feel like they are a man. And it’s actually very easy. They love to be a provider, they love to make women happy. The key is just let them do all that, and accept everything they gave without complaints, even if it isn’t what u want, be gracious and grateful, say thank you. Coz truth is they do not have to give u anything but they did it for you. Second thing that helps me is never feel i am entitled. If i want something i should work for it. If my bf gave me just coz he loves me and i didn’t have to work for it, that’s the greatest gift. Show him appreciation everyday. For everything he done for me. Always smile and be happy. I tell him how happy i am. I never asked him for any gifts either. Coz remember rule no.2? I am not entitled.

    Strangely enough, this makes him want to shower me with lots of gifts. Endlessly. He told me he is so happy to buy me stuff and give me stuff because he can see i am grateful and i am happy.

    Third rule is no demand. I don’t nag. I don’t whine. I don’t demand things that i myself cannot afford. For this third rule there is a catch. Never find a man who is below you financially. Because then the standard of what u can afford and what he can afford differs greatly. Since i earn less than him, whatever i can afford, he can afford it 3x better. So when i need something and even if i can afford it myself, and i told him i need it, he gladly buys for me. However i never ask anything that i do not need. Nor things that are ridiculously expensive. Of course i buy things also with my own money, since i don’t want him to buy everything for me.

    Respect. This has to go both ways. But respecting a man comes side by side with femininity. No man likes a masculine woman. If u r gentle, soft, feminine, don’t argue or embarrass him, he will wake up everyday with a nice spring on his steps. Men love feeling masculine.

    Being a woman is an art form. U can be submissive, feminine, gentle, soft, while still getting everything u wanted and more. Heck, even a hell lot more!

    Men goes to war for women, u know? U just need to learn the art form. When u do, u really will have a nice life, u don’t need to do anything hard, ur man will work the moon for u. All u need to do then, is just smile, be grateful, and happily accept the moon he gave u.

    1. Sarah

      Lovely to hear from someone with a happy relationship!

  2. Miriam

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but he won’t discuss moving in together, let alone getting married. I feel that the relationship is going nowhere but I really love him. How can I get him to change?

  3. Emma

    I really have a problem. I am a very successful woman professionally, but none of my relationships ever seem to progress beyond a few dates. But I just can’t suck up to guys. I don’t feel right doing it, and even if I did, and they fell for it, I know I couldn’t settle for a relationship like that. I want men to respect me. And so I can’t suck up to them. But I never seem to be able to hold to them either. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with them. Do they want to date losers?

    1. Sarah

      No, Emma, men don’t want to date losers. But thy don’t want to date women who keep trying to put them down, either – any more than you would want to date men who put you down. Try reading this article and see if it sheds any light on your situation.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.