We all know that men can have communication problems, but when he’s just not that into you, it’s almost impossible to get him to admit it. So we need a man → euphemism → gobbledegook service, so that what he really means doesn’t get lost in translation.
It’s not just about communication problems, either. When men have bad news to communicate, they can get very nervous about how it will be received.
Will she get upset/angry/cry/hit me?
Men do not like being on the receiving end of women’s emotional outbursts, especially women to whom they don’t feel committed. Somewhere inside they are thinking “This isn’t fair. I haven’t signed up for this – yet – and I don’t see why I should have to put up with it”.
Don’t Waste Your Time Wondering What It Meant
Many women spend hours, alone or with their friends, mulling over what a man really meant when he said – or did – something they see as confusing. But the confusion stems from their unwillingness to believe what is usually quite obvious; because it’s not something they want to believe.
After all, it’s not easy to admit to yourself – or to your friends – that he’s just not that into you.
Men are pretty straightforward about most things, and when they’re not, it’s because they don’t want to hurt your feelings by being too blunt.
So when he’s start’s being evasive, vague, cagey or just plain shifty, it’s because he’s trying to tell you something he thinks you won’t want to hear.
“It’s not you, it’s me”
This is the classic say-nothing, get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s usually accompanied by a lot of guff about how he doesn’t deserve you etc. (see below). He means he likes you but he’s just not that into you – not enough to want a real relationship with you.
“I don’t deserve you. You can do much better”
Perhaps he can persuade you to stay in an open relationship; one where you are both free to look around for someone else while you go on having sex. But as far as commitment goes, well, he’s just not that into you.
“We can still be friends”
He means you can hook up occasionally, but he doesn’t want to date you or get to know you better, because he just not that into you.
“I’m not really into relationships or labels”
He doesn’t want a monogamous relationship with you, and please don’t call him your boyfriend. It could scare off other women he might want to date.
“I’m not ready for a relationship yet”
He was hoping you wouldn’t mention the words “relationship”, “exclusive”, or ask the dreaded “‘where is this relationship going?” But now you have, he’s hoping he can keep his current options open by hinting at the possibility of something better happening in the future. Right now though, he’s just not that into you.
“I think we should take a break”
He’s beginning to feel nervous that you think you are in a relationship together, when he doesn’t – and he doesn’t want to be, either. He’s just not that into you. But he wants to keep his options open, in case nothing better turns up within the next few weeks.
“I need space”
Did you refer to him as your boyfriend? This has made him very nervous indeed, and he wants to put things back onto the casual footing where he feels more comfortable. You are also expecting to see him more often than he really wants, because he’s just not that into you.
This man doesn’t bother with an excuse, no matter how corny. He’s either a coward, or he doesn’t like you enough to bother telling you he won’t be seeing you again. He hasn’t died, fallen off a high building, under a bus or into a coma, and he’s not “too scared” to call you. He’s just not that into you.
What It Actually Means
When a man comes out with one of more of these lines, he’s making his bid for freedom.
He’s hoping you won’t mind too much, and that you’ll let him go without any more fuss. If you haven’t actually been dumped, then your relationship has been downgraded to casual, and you have become a Friend with Benefits.
Unless you are genuinely happy with this, then you should cut all ties with him completely. That way he can’t enjoy the benefits of your company without the responsibility of caring about your feelings. And he won’t have any excuse for calling you a stalker either, and telling his friends about that crazy girl who just won’t leave him alone.
He’ll be quite happy to go on sleeping with you though, until he finds a better option.
Don’t Kid Yourself: Accept That He’s Just Not That Into You
When men huff and puff in this way, women sometimes choose to blind themselves to reality because they want to keep him, and they want the relationship to work. Because he hasn’t actually said he was dumping them, they keep their hopes alive, wondering if there’s still a way they turn things around.
You have to accept that there probably isn’t.
So don’t sit around with your girlfriends mulling over what he really meant, and why he did this, that and the other. Men usually say what they mean, even if they don’t say it so bluntly that their meaning is crystal clear to a chimpanzee.
There isn’t something you could have said or done differently that would change things. When a man really wants to be with a woman, he’s not hesitant or ambiguous towards her. He makes his feelings quite clear, so you won’t have any doubts about how he really feels.
Right now though, however he put it, what he really means is that he’s just not that into you.
If this has happened to you, there is a way for you to change things. Men who have flip-flopped between appearing to like you, and then going cold, can be turned into men who can’t stop chasing you. Listen to this video to find out how.