Do you find it hard to meet men? Or do you meet them, but have a problem figuring out why you never seem to get any dates? Or do you find it easy to get a first date, but find your budding romances fizzling out after a few dates? What are the reasons why you are still single when you’d much rather not be?
And it’s not just you.
There are lots of women who are interesting, intelligent, sexy and fun – in fact women who are great catches – who don’t have a boyfriend. And they are as baffled as you. So what are the reasons why you are still single?
The thing is that women don’t see other women as men see them. And even worse, no-one can see themselves through other people’s eyes. You may be sending out vibes that are being picked up by other people which you are not even aware of, and which are giving a quite different impression of you from the one you think people see.
You Need to Know How Men See You
You may want to be seen as confident and successful. You may genuinely think that this is the way people must see you. But unless you really BELIEVE in the persona you think you are projecting, then the impression you give will be confused, contradictory and perhaps downright unconvincing.
No matter how confident you are in your daily life and your career, when you meet a great guy who attracts you, you may find that your composure starts to splinter. Many women find that they are so keen to make the right impression that they behave in ways that are contrary to their normal selves.
They become tongue-tied or say things that are completely out of character.
They start to panic and find it impossible to retrieve the situation.
And everything starts to go wrong.
Which Might Not Be How You See Yourself
You need to take a deep breath and try to step back and get a better perspective on how you react to attractive men. The important thing is NOT to worry about how they see you, but how you see yourself. Because THIS is how you come across to the men you meet.
If you like yourself, accept yourself and believe in yourself, then men will see you as a woman with self esteem and values, someone who knows who she is.
This is VERY attractive to men.
But if you secretly doubt that you are attractive, that men like you and are drawn to you, then this is what they will pick up. They will sense your neediness and be repelled rather than attracted.
3 Perceptions That Scare Men Away
When you want a man to like you and find you attractive, it’s common to think that you need to act in a certain way to make the best impression. And that way is often quite contrary to your usual manner. This takes away your authenticity, and men sense the falseness of your performance. The result is failure rather than success.
It’s very important to keep hold of who you really are, and you can’t do that unless you BELIEVE in who you really are. You need to believe in your authentic self so that you can BE that person with men. Otherwise you will continue to strike false notes and drive men away.
There are 3 ways in which many women sabotage themselves with men, and they all center around thinking that you have to behave in a certain way to attract and keep a man’s interest. Take a look at them and think hard about how they may be affecting you.
3 Reasons Why You Are Still Single
Reason 1: I’ll Say or Do Something Wrong
This is an invidious trap. Of course you want an attractive man to like you, but you should avoid trying to anticipate what it is your new man wants to hear. Too many women try to please men by agreeing with them all the time, aping their opinions and pretending that they share all their interests. It strikes a false note and may be one of the reasons you are still single.
It’s important to be your natural self. Men value women who are individuals. They have their own friends who share their interests, and they are not looking for another pal. The more you try to make yourself a perfect ‘fit’ with him, the more artificial and the less authentic you become. You will appear awkward and gauche rather than relaxed and comfortable.
This is not attractive!
The truer you are to your real self, the better company you will be. Your conversation will be spontaneous and natural instead of artificial and forced. You will respond to him sincerely and unaffectedly, and your interaction will flow effortlessly as you let your natural self react authentically.
Let go of the control and act naturally!
And if it doesn’t lead to a date, then don’t stress over it and spend hours wondering ‘what you did wrong’. You just weren’t a good fit. It happens!
And it’s better to find out at the beginning, before you invest your time and emotions in a man who is not compatible, just so that you can say you have a boyfriend.
Reason 2: I Have to Make Him Like Me
It’s not up to you to do something exceptional just to make a man like you, or remain interested in you. You are looking for a man who is compatible, and that means someone who likes and accepts you as you are.
If you don’t believe that you are lovable, then men are not likely to love you. That’s why it’s so important to be your own biggest fan before you can expect anyone else to love you. If you don’t think you are intrinsically lovable, you will try too hard to compensate in the hope that a man will overlook your shortcomings.
Don’t fall into the trap of trying to win his love by doing things for him. Don’t be kind of woman who cooks for him, cleans his apartment, looks after his clothes and even his kids in the hope that this will make him love you.
When you make things too easy for a man, he no longer has to do anything to please YOU in order to keep you. This is the quickest way to the 3 step exit: first, he takes you for granted; second, he gets bored and third, he dumps you.
So despite all your well-meant efforts you end up single again!
Giving too much too quickly can be one of the reasons why you are still single. Unless he has done something to deserve them, he will not value your efforts.
Don’t think that by giving more than he does he will come to see you as a great catch and fall in love with you. You deserve to get as much as you give.
Reason 3: Where is This Relationship Going?
Women can be far too impatient in relationships. They feel the clock ticking, and try to set out the parameters of a relationship almost before it has become one. This is always scary for men.
Asking for commitment when a relationship is just developing sends a whole lot of negative messages to a man. You’re not dealing from a standpoint of love or a passionate commitment with him. You merely have a vacancy in your life which it is becoming increasingly urgent to fill, and you want to know if he is up for the job.
At rock bottom you have a need and you want someone you can use to fill it. You’re not interested in him for himself. You just want to know if he’s willing to get married, become a father, or otherwise do what you want of him.
You need to learn to live in the moment. Men are incredibly wary of being used in this way, and of women who want the relationship rather than the man. And acting like this is certainly one of the reasons why you are still single.
How to Stop Being Single
If you genuinely LIKE the guy, enjoy his company and want to be with him, then living in the moment will be easy and natural, because it will be giving you what you want. This is something about which men are VERY intuitive.
Pushing for commitment sends a very different message.
It you don’t like a man enough to enjoy the moment with him and to let your relationship develop naturally, then you are not right for each other. If where you are trying to go is more important that where you are now, then the relationship is more important to you than the man.
And when a man senses this, he pulls away and eventually leaves.
The less you try to force something to happen, the more likely it is to happen. If being with him in the moment is not enough, you shouldn’t be with him at all.
Most men don’t decide they want a relationship until they have actually fallen for a woman, and know that they want her to be in their life. When he realizes that, he will move the relationship forward by himself – in fact, he will be pushing for commitment from you. Find out more about how to make this happen here.