How do you get over a breakup and move on?

We’ve all been there. And I don’t just mean suffering a breakup; but being unable to stop thinking about your lost love and where it all went wrong. And why it ended. And how you could put things right, if only they would give you the chance.

Sometimes too, instead of leaving you to get over a breakup, your ex-beloved seems to go out their way to make things worse. Instead of leaving you alone to lick your wounds, they keep calling and texting ‘to see if you’re alright’ or ‘to keep in touch now that we’re friends’.

Running into them in a public place is another killer, especially if they try to keep you talking or suggest you have coffee together. What game are they playing now?

How to Get Over a Breakup

Whether or not you are still in touch with your ex, it’s time to be firm with yourself – and with them. Encouraging you to wonder if they still have feelings for you, feelings that might be strong enough to make them want to get back together with you, is just not on. You want to get over a breakup as quickly and painlessly as possible, so you should be working on forgetting them, and moving on. You absolutely don’t want to tie yourself up in knots over what you ex really wants, and believing you might still have a future together.

Of course they do still have feelings for you, just as you do for them – people can’t just ‘switch off’ their emotions overnight. But that doesn’t mean that getting back together is on the cards, or even that it would be the right thing to do. But as long as you keep turning these questions around in your mind, you will remain in thrall to the past, and unable to get over a breakup and move on.

Don’t Look Back, Move On

Somewhere out there is someone who will make you truly happy. But you will be unable to see them if you can’t stop obsessing over your ex.

So you need to be ruthless, with yourself and with your ex.

If they are not in contact with you, accept it as the blessing it really is and don’t try to contact them. If they are, then stop taking their calls and delete their texts without reading them; the same goes for their emails. If necessary you must tell them to stop bothering you, as you can’t be ‘just friends’ with them and you don’t know if you ever will.

Throw out everything that reminds you of them. Pack up gifts and all their belongings, and store them somewhere you can’t easily access them. Buy something new for your house, and rearrange the furniture – you want to give your living space a completely new look. If you make your rooms look completely different, you won’t be able to picture your ex living in them so easily, and this will help you to get over a breakup.

Then concentrate your mind on everything that was wrong with your ex and with your relationship.

Don’t idealize them or the past; instead make a list of everything about them that you disliked, or that irritated and annoyed you. Keep it handy, so that whenever a nostalgic tune comes on the radio, or a sentimental film on the television, you can switch off and refer to your list to remind you how glad you are that it is over between you.

To get over a breakup you need to see it as a positive thing.

Build a New Life For Yourself

Start doing something you’ve always wanted to do, but you never did while you were together. Remind yourself that you wouldn’t be doing it and having such a great time if you were still with your ex.

Remember the things you used to do and the people you used to see because your ex liked them – but you didn’t. Think about how happy you are now that you’ll never have to do those things or see those people again.

You have your freedom back again to create a fulfilling life for yourself. Be determined not to waste the opportunity.

Commit yourself to forgetting.

It’s really much easier to think about the familiar past, no matter how painful, than to plan the unknown future. But this won’t help you to get over a breakup. Instead, plan some exciting things for the future. When you start achieving things by yourself, the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment you feel will be worth it.

You will know you have been strong and determined, and that you have triumphed over adversity. Remember that the opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference. You are learning to get over a breakup by becoming indifferent to your ex, so that they can no longer influence or hurt you.

And then you really will be on the way to genuine happiness.