Right now you really want your ex back. It’s all you can think about – so should you call your ex?

If you want your boyfriend back, then sometime you will need to speak to him again. But if you’ve only just broken up, then the answer to the question “should you call your ex” is definitely no. Emotions will still be running high, and the last thing you should be doing right now is trying to call him.

This is typical of the kind of mistake people often make after breakups. But you are going to be cleverer than that. You’re not going to do anything that might things any worse than they already are.

Why Calling Your Ex Right Now Is a Bad Idea

Both of you need to cool down first and get over the trauma of the breakup.

This means spending some time apart, so that you can start getting your life back together and working on a new future. This is crucial, and you can find out everything you need to know about using no contact positively by visiting this page.

You can’t skimp on this, either. You need to take enough time to decide whether this really is the right relationship for you. A breakup isn’t just a blip on the road to ecstasy; it’s a serious warning that your ex just might not be The One.

But even so, you are having a really hard time stopping yourself from calling. You’re convinced you have vital things to discuss. So should you call your ex?

No. Because the reasons you are using to justify calling him are bogus.

Whatever it is, you can live without it

You left something at your ex’s place that you really, really need.

If that’s so, how come you forgot it when you left? The truth is that there’s probably nothing of yours that your ex still has that you can’t either do without, or easily replace. Admit it. It’s just an excuse to see him again.

He must be missing you…

You’re sure he will be having second thoughts by now. But he’ll be too proud to tell you – unless you turn up in person, when he’ll be so overwhelmed he’ll beg you to come back.

Wrong. Maybe he will change his mind. Eventually. But if he does, it’ll be in his own good time, and that time isn’t likely to be soon. It might even be never. But trying to make it happen will only rebound against you.

You can’t bear him being so happy without you…

You’ve been stalking him on Facebook and are shocked to discover that he is having the time of his life. How could he?

Don’t believe everything you see on social media. There are reasons why men seem to turn into Bluebeard after a breakup. And there’s no reason why he should have everything his way. You can use Facebook to your own advantage after a breakup. Find out how here.

It’s just too soon

Anything you say now will be misconstrued, and probably used in evidence against you.

No matter how sane and rational you try to sound, your ex will interpret any communication from you as proof that you are still obsessed with him; and that you are a crazy misfit from whom he was lucky to escape.

Don’t give him the satisfaction.

How Do You See the Future?

We know you want your ex back. But you must have something more effective in place for any reconciliation to succeed. A burning desire to get back together just isn’t enough.

It will be fruitless if you just make the future a repetition of the past. You must have some idea of how to put things right, should you ever get the chance to do so.

Admit it. You’re still not convinced. And you’re struggling to stop yourself picking up the phone right now. So here are 10 conclusive reasons not to call your ex.

1. Honesty

The fact that you are struggling is proof that, in your heart, you know it won’t turn out well. Be honest. Do you really believe he’ll beg you to return the moment he hears your voice?

2. Rejection

You’ll end up feeling worse than you do now. You already feel diminished; so what do you think a further rejection will do to you?

3. Being ignored

What if he doesn’t pick up? Even if you hide your number, he’ll just know it’s you. Do you leave a message? Do you hope he’ll call back? What if he ignores you? You’ll have diminished yourself even further, and all for no purpose.

4. Being brushed off

What if he does answer? He might beg you to come back, but it’s pretty unlikely. He’s more likely to have answered out of guilt, and be evasive, exasperated and short, because he doesn’t really want to talk to you.

5. Friends?

What if he not only answers, but sounds pleased to hear from you? What if he suggests you can stay friends, even though you’re not together any more? Would you say yes? Probably. And that would be a bad, bad idea (to find out exactly why, visit this page). If you really want him back, then you must avoid being friends (and even being called friends) at all costs.

6. It’s not him, it’s you

He’s not the one calling – you are. And until that changes, it’s not going to end well for you.

7. Is he really The One?

Maybe he’s not The One. But until you can resist the urge to call your ex without having a massive internal fight about it, you won’t be able to tell. Get some more distance, so that you can get a better perspective.

8. It’s too one-sided

You are the only one working for this relationship. Until he wants to do his bit to make it work, it’s doomed to failure.

9. This is YOUR time, not his

You should be using this time alone for yourself; not wasting it by pining for the past. It’s essential that you make changes to your life before trying to get your ex back. Go here to find out why, and how.

10. It’s time to feel good

A good relationship is good because it makes you feel good. But right now your old relationship is making you feel terrible. So why are you hanging onto it for dear life? For your own sake, you need to move on.

So Where Do You Go From Here?

You concentrate on the future – your future. Thinking about calling your ex means you are looking backwards; probably with rose-tinted spectacles. The important thing now is moving on and building a new life for yourself. It will be time to think about thefuture when you have mastered the past.