He adores you, and you adore him. You’re ecstatically happy together – you’ve never BEEN so happy! You’re sure he must be the one. But what are the real signs he is a keeper? And is he really displaying them?
It’s easy to see only the good things in a man during the first flush of love. But eventually that first flush recedes, and you’re left with the real person beneath. And maybe he is a real gem, a genuine diamond among men, rather than a fake. But perhaps during that first flush there were signs that he wasn’t all you thought and hoped he was. And maybe you were so in love that you dismissed or ignored or overlooked these signs because you wanted so much to believe you had found The One.
It’s a very common thing to do.
But if you knew what to look for, what are the signs he is a keeper, then it will help you to keep your feet on the ground (or close to it), and heed the warning signs that he may not be Mr Right after all. For instance, how does he show up in character and maturity?
Does his life have direction and purpose, or is he still trying to find his way?
Does he live as a mature man in his own place, or does he still share with others and party all night?
Does he share your values?
Of course, what’s important to one woman may be less so to another, and vice versa. It’s pretty subjective, but there are certain signs that he is a keeper which would be desired and highly rated by most women.
1. He doesn’t try to change you.
It happens all the time. People meet someone they decide is “The One”. Maybe they are powerfully physically attracted to them; maybe they have trouble forming relationships and tend to latch on to anyone who pays them attention; maybe they are just someone who needs to be in control.
Whatever the reason, they decide you are “The One”; and set out on a mission to iron out your flaws, and make you over into the person they think you ought to be.
“The One” is someone you don’t need to change. If your first instinct is to give your supposed beloved a comprehensive overhaul, then you have already made the only judgement necessary; they are, by definition, certainly not “The One”.
This often happens in relationships that develop quickly. You meet someone, a powerful attraction sparks and you set about making them into the person you need them to be. The whole relationship is happening in reverse. Instead of getting to know someone gradually, and discovering their appeal and compatibility; you decide on sight that this is the right person for you, and then set about making them so.
One of the great signs he is a keeper is that he thinks he is the luckiest man in the world to have found you. A man worth keeping will be bowled over by your charms, admire your achievements, and adore your personality. And he won’t hold back in letting you know, because he’ll love you just the way you are.
If he tries to tell you what to think, what to say, how to dress, who your friends should be, or how you should live your life; then it is a massive red flag. Stay away from men who don’t want you to be the person you really are.
2. You Can Be Yourself With Him
It’s not just that he doesn’t try to change you, it‘s more than that. One of the best signs he is a keeper is that you can be completely natural with him. You can be yourself – your REAL self. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
He listens to you when you talk to him. He doesn’t pretend to agree with you when he doesn’t, but he doesn’t try to force his opinions on you either. You both accept each other as you really are.
And that’s the crux of the matter. You give each other the freedom to be the people you really are. You accept, and still love each other. You don’t judge.
Of course, there are certain lines you wouldn’t want to see crossed. But if you have the same basic values, you can feel confident they won’t be.
3. He Listens to You – and He Remembers
Have you ever seen the film “You’ve Got Mail”?
There’s scene in it where Tom Hanks calls on Meg Ryan when she is ill, and brings her flowers. But not just ANY flowers; he brings her daisies. He chooses daisies because when they first met, she told him they were her favourite flowers. “They’re so friendly,” she said. “Don’t you think daisies are the friendliest flowers?” And he listened, and later he remembered.
One of the best signs he is a keeper is that he remembers the important things. He listens when you talk to him, and he stores it in his mind; because everything he learns about you is important to him.
And later, when it matters, he remembers the things you said, and he acts upon them.
No matter how small or seemingly trivial, he notices and remembers the things that matter to you. It shows he’s both empathetic, and that he’s genuinely invested in you. What matters to you, matters to him.
4. He Likes Your Friends and Family – and They Like Him
He wants to get on with your friends and family, and he wants them to like him too. And that’s not because being liked is an ego trip for him. It’s because your friends and family matter to you, and what matters to you matters to him.
A good and mature man is willing and able to meet new people, make a good impression and get along with them. Even if your family is inclined to be hostile or a bit weird, he’ll make an effort to like them, and prove that he is likeable too. Seeing him getting on like a house on fire with your cantankerous old Dad, who hated all your other boyfriends, is one of the best of all signs he is a keeper – and it’s a great turn-on for you too.
An immature or selfish man will make it clear that spending time with the important people in your life is a massive bore which he resents, and that he would much rather be somewhere else. A man with no real interest in you at all will simply refuse to meet them.
He will also want you to meet HIS friends and family, when of course you will be as charming to them as he was to yours. In fact he will be completely positive that they will absolutely ADORE you, and tell you so beforehand.
5. You Can Talk to Him About Anything
You both have your own opinions, but that doesn’t stop you exchanging views about whatever you think is important. Even on things about which you disagree, he doesn’t try to shout you down – and nor do you. You can exchange views, and eventually agree to differ.
And that means that whenever there is something bothering you, you can come home and talk to him about it. You know he’ll listen with an open mind, and he won’t instinctively be on one side or the other. He’ll give you his honest opinion, but he won’t try to force you to accept it.
And that goes even for when he thinks you’re wrong about something. When you come home and tell him you’ve clashed with your boss, or a colleague, he’ll tell you whether he thinks you were right or wrong, but he’ll also have something positive to say about what you should do next. Even when he thinks you said or did something wrong, he’ll want to help you solve the problem, rather than just blaming you for messing up.
One of the biggest signs he is a keeper is that he wants you to succeed in life. So when you have a problem, he wants to help you to solve it.
6. You Can Deal With Conflict Together Without Fighting
All relationships have problems. And when there are troubles in yours, he wants to do his best to solve them.
He’s willing to talk about your difficulties. He tries to find solutions. He’d rather look for ways to make things work, than for ways to blame you for any crisis in your relationship. So when you have problems, he wants to help to solve it.
One of the most important signs he is a keeper is that he doesn’t just walk away – or worse still, threaten to walk away – when something is wrong between you. On the contrary, he sticks around and makes sure you work on solving the problem together.
That’s not just because he wants to put an end to any conflict as soon as possible. It’s because he wants to come up with a solution that will work for both of you.
7. He Supports and Encourages Your Ambitions
He’s interested in your job and encourages you to do well at it, and to succeed. He understands that your career is important to you, and doesn’t automatically think it should take second place to his. That means he understands when you have to put your job before meeting up, and later on, if you have children together, he’ll be willing to share responsibility for looking after them.
He also encourages you to have a life of your own, to keep up with your friendships and you hobbies – and he does the same with his.
A couple who spend all their time together will find their relationship becomes stale, boring and lacking in variety – claustrophobic, even. When you don’t spend all your time with each other, the time you do share becomes more exciting and rewarding. If you’re one of those people who believe the contrary, then check out the law of diminishing returns, and think hard about whether there isn’t something in it.
8. Your Relationship is Going From Strength to Strength
You’re happy. You’re confident. You have great plans for the future. And that’s all because everything’s going so well between you and your boyfriend.
You can look back on all those times with other men when you wondered if he would call, whether you’d be seeing him at the weekend, how much he was really into you, and whether or not you were just wasting your time with him.
You see, in the right relationship, everything happens easily. That’s not to say you never have problems, but that you never doubt that the wish and the will to solve them is present. You never doubt he’ll call. You know you’ll be spending the weekend together. He’s really, really into you.
You just know that, this time, it’s different. And that’s the best of signs he is a keeper.
He calls regularly – he loves to hear your voice
He wants to know about your day
He remembers to ask about something that has been bothering you
He’s enthusiastic about your plans for the weekend
He has exciting ideas of his own for things you can do together
He tells you he can’t wait to see you
Your relationship is expanding and growing because BOTH of you are driving it forward. You’re not the one doing all the work, while he gradually withdraws and contributes less and less. You’re a genuine couple. You’re together.
9. You Laugh and Have Fun Together
Even now, in these still-early days, you can spend a sneaky few minutes at work thinking about amazing time you both had at the weekend. Your relationship works because, most of the time, it’s FUN.
And that’s great.
If you stay together for a lifetime, then things certainly won’t always be a laugh a minute. But if you know how to have fun together, if you make each laugh, then it’ll be easier to get through it when life gets hard.
People who laugh and have fun are usually happy people. And it’s much easier to have a great relationship with someone who’s already happy, than with someone who wants you to make them happy (in fact, people like that are poor relationship material).
Most guys love to play. And if he loves to play with you, then it’s another of those signs he is a keeper.
Maybe he wants to do something special because it’s Tuesday. Maybe he thinks it would be great fun to cook together one evening, instead cooking for each other. Maybe he wants to play frisbee when it’s raining. A man who is spontaneous and fun is great to be around, even if sometimes he does suggest things you would never normally do.
Why not just go along for the ride?
10. He Makes Plans For the Future – With You
He has great plans for the future. He probably talked about his dreams and ambitions when you were getting to know each other – you both did. But now when he talks about the future, it includes you.
In fact, he often talks of “we” instead of “I”. And so do you.
Of all the signs he is a keeper, this is the one that shows he really is in it for the long-term. Men don’t make future plans with a woman unless they see her as being part of that future. It means he’s seriously thinking that this could be it; he’s found The One.
You and he are going places – together.
Did You Recognize These Signs He is a Keeper in YOUR Relationship?
If you did, then lucky you! You have found a man worth keeping.
But don’t sit on your laurels and wait for the future to happen. A relationship is a two-way affair, and you have your contribution to make as well. Look back over the article, and see how well you measure up – remember, a great guy will be looking for an equally great woman.
When two people are good for each other, they treat each other as equals. They love and respect each other, and they support each other too – they are each other’s best friend. If you wouldn’t want your boyfriend as a friend, then it’s a powerful sign he’s NOT a keeper.